I first found this image via Instagram, and it really hit hard for me. I've been struggling a lot lately with feeling really jealous and upset when I see other people's fitness achievements in my Newsfeed. It has a lot of crossover with those triggery feelings I had about my friend a couple weeks ago.
When someone posts a picture or milestone about their own weight loss or fitness success, especially when it comes to being leaner, I get really triggered. First I feel jealous. Then I get mad. Then I wonder what is wrong with me and why I can't achieve that too, and feel sad. Do any of you have complicated emotions when you view someone else's success?
This article from Zen Habits, The Heartbreaking Cruelty of Comparing Yourself to Others, brought it home for me:
Even if you do an apples-to-apples comparison — your highlights to theirs — what use is that? Do the highlights of our lives need to be better than anyone else’s? Why?
Do the highlights determine our happiness? Do they show us what life is about?
The comparisons don’t make us happier or appreciate life more — they make us feel horrible about ourselves. And that’s heartbreaking.
What breaks my heart the most is that I feel that I'm not strong enough to celebrate my friend's successes with them. I don't want that. I want to have enough strength as a person to be able to cheer them on while focusing on my own goals and strengths, and not comparing myself to them.
And maybe that's the problem, honestly: I don't currently have a specific goal. I have some general rules to live by, and I have my recovery, which is actually going pretty well, all things considered.
But I do feel like maybe now that I'm out of the woods on some of this stuff that it's time to develop some goals so that it's easier to focus on the path ahead when the ED demons try to derail me.
How do you develop goals? Any thoughts on where I might begin?