I will never be thin.
Writing that sentence once seemed impossible. I was in strong denial that it was true. But it is true: genetically, historically, realistically--I will never be thin. And it's okay.
It's okay because I'm learning to accept who I am, as I am. It is okay because acceptance is not resignation. I am not settling. I am not giving up. I'm not turning a blind eye, throwing up my hands, waving a white flag.
I continue to make ridiculously good salads, smoothies, egg muffins, and other delicious meals full of nutrients and enjoyment. I move my body every day in some capacity: walking, dancing, kickboxing, weightlifting, running, rollerskating, and practicing yoga. I get quality sleep, as much as I can. I try to meditate daily. By all accounts, I live a healthy life.
But I finally got to a place this week where I needed to acknowledge this fact, that thinness isn't in the cards for me. I will always be a short, curvy lady. I might even sometimes be a plump lady. But that doesn't mean I am worth less than when I am a smaller lady.
My life is as good as a plump, fit, healthy person as it would be if I were a smaller, fit, healthy person. None of my really great memories have anything to do with what I weighed at the time. I've gotten promotions, been pregnant, won roller derby bouts, won awards, and had amazing partners at my larger size. My size has never held me back from something I really wanted to do.
I really resonate with this article about migraines I found when I was googling acceptance vs. resignation. I originally liked it for the image as you can see, but when I read the post, a lot of it resonated. By accepting that I will never be thin, I've lessened the desire to be thin and undercut the conviction that there is something wrong with me for not being thin.
Instead of wishing and waiting for my life to begin when I lose weight, I am free to embrace and engage with my life now, as it is. Plus, I'm a lot more present for that life, because I'm not consumed with the exhausting struggle to do something that's very hard and not likely to be successful.
If I did at some point want to lose weight for a specific reason like post-partum recovery (i.e. not because I'm not okay with myself as I am), acceptance serves me. Because acceptance is the best springboard for lasting change. When your size is okay to begin with, it's also okay if the change you want takes a long time, doesn't work, or is flat out impossible. It even All outcomes are okay. You are safe.
Then, the work to for your body goal becomes a fun experiment, rather than something your self-worth is predicated on. I think we can all live with that.