I guess I'm not done talking about all the stuff in my head. Where we left off: me being sad about post-partum weight gain, specifically on my belly. I know this kind of stuff can be real triggering, so please read no further if you feel emo about this. For real, spare yourself and protect your feelings -- they're nice, your feelings. We like them.
I just need to get this out and work through it, and I do that by writing, and it's my blog for processing these exact kind of things, so here we are.
Back to it: even if I did diet, we all know that diets don't work. For 95% of people, they don't work. Everyone regains the weight until they're back at their set point. And because I am a self-flagellating jerk, I then looked up "how to change your set point", and... it's super complicated.
This is the best article I found on the topic, and it wasn't that great. But it did confirm some stuff I already knew: people tend to gain weight and have higher set points as they get older, there is some genetic predisposition involved, you have to stay pretty active and eat pretty well to see changes, and blah blah blah, it sounds like a lot of work. And as we talked about, I don't have the bandwidth for that right now.
Honestly, I'm not even sure I have the inclination. It seems to me that you really have to change your whole life to make it work out, and as I determined back in October, it may just... fucking not be WORTH IT. If I have to change my life to the point where I can never eat cake, or I have to think about food all the time in not fun ways? Bah. I'm just too old/wise/tired for those shenanigans. The mental bean counting is EXHAUSTING.
So what now? Because those pictures of me in 2012-2014 are still going to haunt me. And I suppose I could just not look at them, but erasing my history seems pretty ridiculous. Hiding from things never got anyone very far.