I don’t think this insight is new or original at all, but I’ve been kind of shocked at how parenthood has moved the goal posts for me.
Before: I made detailed lists of my exercise and food, I meal prepped nearly every week, I tracked everything in a habit app, I entered competitions (local to my gym, but still). I had goals and plans and projects for every area of my life.
Now: I don’t have the resources for nearly the same volume. I’m lucky if I meal prep, make it to CrossFit ONCE in a week (and lately, 1x a month is good). I try to make healthy meals as much as I can. I don’t track anything. The idea of competition makes me tired.
Granted, I do the office-sponsored HIIT workout as much as I can because it’s free and I just have to change and walk to the back of the office, which is far less intensive than planning my workday so I can leave early to hit the box. And that’s something.
I knew I’d have less time. What I didn’t know is how few emotional resources I’d have. Early childhood is a real grind, and since the world has been on fire the last couple months literally, (and metaphorically since 2016), it’s taking a lot out of me.
It’s a lot of work to keep myself together so I can be present for my family and my daughter. I do as much self care as I can, but it often feels like I’m barely coping. It’s just too much. This doesn’t leave very much time for tracking and planning and prepping. And it makes it hard to motivate to do extra.
I just don’t have the emotional and mental wherewithal to get as much done in a day as I used to, even if I had the time.
I’m sort of glad I document so much. When I feel depressed about how little I’m able to do, I can look back and think, I did so much.
And most of the time, I can look at my kid and think, now I get to be so much.